Four Weddings on Living TV hits our screens once again on Monday night.  This week was a bit tame in comparison to some of the other episodes, however we still enjoyed seeing Audrey (41), Kelly (32), Amanda (38) and Gemma (25) tie the knot.

Bride One – Kelly

First down the aisle was 32 year old, Mum of four Kelly.  She had the biggest budget of them all at 32k, so we were expecting bells and whistles.  Apparently she was let down by her chosen venue and she had just 24 hours to find another.

The vicar freaked us out slightly by his singing and constant talk of sex, you could see the Dad’s around the church covering their children’s ears.

Now on to the venue.  When we saw it first we were like ‘Woahhh, where did the 32k budget get assigned to’.  The venue was very cricket club like.  The guests were greeted by a glaringly obvious fake Santa Claus.  Ohhh Le Tack!

The food looked really drab and boring.  Something you might knock up yourself in 5 minutes when suffering from a hangover.

So on to the entertainment.  This is obviously where Kelly spent her money.  She had 80′s pop singer Alexander O’ Neill (?) singing, along with a Blues Brothers Tribute Band.  While AON didn’t seem to go down well with some guests, Kelly clearly enjoyed him, and we saw her drooling and shaking her thang up front (actually she was practically hanging over him).   Rocker chick Amanda (Bride Three) seemed oblivious to the type of music that was being played and moshed her way through the love songs.  Though we soon discover that she does this a lot.

Bride Two – Gemma

Gemma was next.  The opening scenes of her big day were of a pretty church, the graveyard was highly praised by Amanda. (Nice!)  Gemma had a fabulous dress, it suited her figure, her personality and the classy day she was after.  She had been worried that her day was the poorer version of Kelly’s, however what we’d seen so far was much better.

Waiting at the venue was a much more realistic Santa, and he seemed to be there for the kids only, which was a nice touch.  All the tables were named after reindeers which really set off the winter wonderland theme, although the Christmas trees were decorated a bit OTT.  The food looked yummy and all the guests seemed to enjoy it.

On to the speeches, where everyone and I mean everyone was in tears.  Unfortunately at this stage the snow-machine was turned on up on the balcony, cue 99% of the guests choking.  Personally I couldn’t see where the Caribbean Steel Drum music fit in to the theme, but sure it was nice to listen to anyway.

Bride Three – Amanda

Amanda.  Oh Amanda, what can we say.  Well Amanda and her h2b weren’t having any guests (wonder why), the only people in attendance were the 3 other brides and probably the 30 crew members of the production team (snigger).  So off they all flew to Finland.  You could tell from the offset this pair were attention seeking freaks.

They wanted to get married on a frozen lake (?), where they exchanged boring vows and vials of their blood to each other.

On to the reception – The poor guests didn’t even know what they were eating, the menu was all in Finish.  The layout of the tables were crazy.  Amanda and her new beau were sitting opposite each other and their guests were further on down the table.  The wedding favours were fake tattoos (classy).

On to the first dance.  Picture the bride and groom in a loving clinch on the pub floor, near the bar.  Bride shouting at the barman to turn up the music.  Then….yuck, we can barely type this.  Full on tongue sandwich between Mrs and Mr Hairy-Faced-Freaks.  The next shot was of the bride dancing on her own, just moshing, shacking her lice-ridden mop of dreadlocks from side to side while the other brides just looked on in wonder.

Bride Four – Audrey

Audrey was getting married in a registry office.  It looked like a police station from the outside.  The first thing we noticed was her hair! It was awful, Croyden face lift, crossed with an Amy Winehouse beehive.  Her dress was a bit home-made looking too, a very mild shade of pink fluffy material.

The reception was in a pub, littered with advertising all over the walls.  All you can eat for a fiver sort of thing!  The guests looked like a group of employees in their canteen at lunch.  The food turned out surprisingly well though, it was simple pub grub in massive portions.

The evening reception saw all the guests move venue to the local Conservative Club.  Much to Amanda’s delight, the venue was flooded with cheap booze.  She got extra pissed at this wedding by drinking 2 bottles of cider at once out of straws. She even nicked one of the centrepieces (eeek).

We noticed her bridesmaid more when they were dancing and to be honest, it looked like 3 brides up on the floor.

Scoring:

First Place – Gemma
75/100

Second Place – Audrey
67/100

Third Place – Amanda
56/100

Last Place – Kelly
54/100